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Words
that should be in the Dictionary
10
words that don't exist, but should:
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing
the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your
toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act,
when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint
at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining
it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more
chance.
3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece
of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming
this will somehow `remove' all the germs.
4. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people
maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses
to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across
the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it
under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n.
Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container
so badly that one has to resort to the `illegal' side.
7. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant
whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners
if they want ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing
a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as
they answer.
9. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a
window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The
act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before
you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
Top 26 Children's Books *Not* recommended by the National
Library Assoc.
26. Bob the Germ's Wondrous Journey Into and Back Out of Your
Digestive System.
25.
The Little Engine that Could Becomes intoxicated and Kills
Civilians.
24.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer's Games of Revenge.
23.
Peter Rabbit's Frisky Adventures.
22.
Dick, Jane, and Spot Wander into The 'Hood'.
21.
Clifford the Big Red Dog Accidentally Eats his Masters and
is Put to Sleep.
20.
Valuable Protein and Other Nutritional Benefits of Things
from your Nose.
19.
The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad.
18.
The Tickling Babysitter
17.
A Pictorial History of Circus Geek Suicides.
16.
Charles Manson Bedtime Stories.
15.
Daddy Loses His Job and Finds the Bottle.
14.
Babar Meets the Taxedermist and Becomes a Piano.
13.
Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear.
12.
David Duke's World of Imagination.
11.
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence.
10.
The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables.
9.
Legends of Scab Football.
8.
Teddy: the Elf with the Detached Retina.
7.
Tommy Tune: Boy Choreographer.
6.
Joe Garagiola Retells Favorite Fairy Tales But Can't Remember
the Endings to All of them.
5.
Ed Beckley's Start a Real-Estate Empire with the change from
your Mom's Purse.
4.
The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy.
3.
Things Rich Kids Have, but you never will.
2.
Let's Draw Betty and Veronica without their clothes on.
1.
The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead.
Lipstick
There
is always a creative (and permanent) solution to any problem:
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was
faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning
to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That
was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would
press their lips to the mirrors, leaving dozens of little
lip prints.
Finally,
the principal decided that something had to be done. She called
all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing
a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors
every day.
To
demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she
asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He proceeded
to take out a long-handled brush, dip it into the nearest
toilet and scrub the mirror.
Since
then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
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